Intro
In the intricate web of human interactions, blaming others and succumbing to narcissistic tendencies can poison our relationships and hinder our personal development. We often find ourselves subjected to gaslighting, manipulation, and a range of emotional traps that threaten our well-being. However, it is within our power to remain unaffected by these tactics and forge a path of self-awareness, personal sovereignty, and empathy. By understanding the dynamics of power and oppression, as well as the importance of cultivating a healthy sense of self-esteem, we can dismantle the destructive patterns that perpetuate blame and narcissism. This article delves deep into these issues, aiming to shed light on the core of blaming and narcissism while offering guidance towards personal growth and transformation.
Core ASPECTS on Blame & Narcissism
So, as an introduction to understanding, demystifying and unraveling the complexities of narcissism, blaming, personal power and self-mastery, we’re going to take a quick closer look at some key elements that are often related to these topics. Without further ado, let’s dive straight in:
Undergoing Gaslighting and Manipulation & Remaining Unaffected: Gaslighting and manipulation are manipulative tactics employed by individuals seeking control and power over others. These toxic behaviors can leave us feeling triggered, manipulated, and doubtful of our own perceptions. However, it is crucial to recognize that we have the ability to shield ourselves from their effects. By developing emotional resilience, critical thinking skills, and a strong sense of self, we can rise above these attempts at manipulation and remain unaffected.
Blaming the Other versus Building Awareness, Personal Sovereignty, Self-Mastery, Empathy, and Understanding around Power Dynamics: Blaming others is often an instinctive response when faced with challenging situations. However, true growth lies in shifting our focus from blame to personal development. Building awareness allows us to recognize our own patterns, triggers, and vulnerabilities, empowering us to take control of our lives. Through the cultivation of personal sovereignty, self-mastery, empathy, and a deep understanding of power dynamics, we can break free from the cycle of blame and nurture healthier relationships.
The Link between Oppression, Liberation, and Empathy in Power Plays and Power Dynamics: Power plays and dynamics are intrinsic to human relationships and can sometimes lead to oppression and manipulation. Understanding the link between these factors is crucial in dismantling the cycle of blame and narcissism. By fostering empathy and promoting liberation for all individuals involved, we can create a more harmonious and equitable environment where power is shared rather than exploited.
Understanding Manipulation, Will, and Absolute Self-Esteem in Relationships with Others and Ourselves: Manipulation, will, and self-esteem are intricately intertwined in our interactions with others and ourselves. Recognizing manipulation tactics allows us to assert our boundaries and safeguard our well-being. Moreover, cultivating a strong sense of self-esteem rooted in authenticity and self-acceptance is vital to navigating relationships with confidence and integrity.
Determining the Balance between Self-Love and Love for Others: Finding the delicate balance between self-love and love for others is a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships. It requires introspection, empathy, and a willingness to prioritize both our own well-being and the well-being of those around us. By nurturing ourselves and understanding our own needs, we can approach relationships from a place of wholeness and foster mutual growth and support.
The Primordial Story
In conclusion, unraveling the core of blaming and narcissism is a transformative journey that necessitates self-reflection, empathy, and a commitment to personal growth. By remaining resilient in the face of gaslighting and manipulation, building awareness and personal sovereignty, understanding power dynamics, and fostering empathy, we can break free from the destructive cycle of blame and nurture healthier connections. Taking responsibility for our internal and external triggers empowers us to reclaim our power and pave the way for a more compassionate and harmonious world.
This becomes even clearer with a story. This story is a philosophy that is held as universally and absolutely true by my spiritual mentor. I’m not sure to what degree this is so, but the story she channeled does a great job of illuminating, unraveling and highlighting the crucial elements enabling us to understand manipulation, desire, egoism, narcissism and blame in a more profound way. It’s a story about two kinds of people, some are Venus and some are Mars. It is said that you are born as either of one. I hope you enjoy the translation from Dutch to English of this story .
The story of Mars & Venus
The most important of all relationship codes is your Mars or Venus. This is one of the things that plays tricks on you the most in your life. Venus or Mars indicates how you influence the outside world and how you are influenced by the outside world.
Of all the novelties in this book, this is by far the most relevant. Do not underestimate this story, if you get started with it, you will confront yourself and your environment. As a result, your world changes fundamentally, for the better to be clear. Think of it as a cornerstone of the unveiling of your Soul Path.
You may be wondering why this is now on the table and not sooner. Well, when the time is right I will pass on what is manageable. If I had passed on all the information at once, it would have been an indigestible amount. That's why I did this step by step.
Nevertheless, in this book I want to explain the whole thing. That makes it heavy and a lot, but it is good to bundle the collection of all this into a whole. Up to you how you deal with this. So don't choke on it.
Let me explain what it's all about. Everyone is a Mars or a Venus. It has nothing to do with being male or female. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, is not relevant here. It is true that there are specifically male and female characteristics. But that's another story I don't want to talk about right now.
Until now, the Mars and Venus trait, known as an astrological aspect, only applied to a limited number of people. But everyone has to deal with this and that is new.
Astrologically, you call this trait Mars and Venus Retro, because you've found that people born in the retrograde period of these planets have special traits.
That's totally right. After all, astrology is another way of explaining the Message I want to convey. It just takes the right astrological approach to find the right connections. Unfortunately, I notice that this is often cheated, but that is also not the case now.
Back to the Mars and Venus story. So each of us has to deal with this quality. The reason why I want to emphasize this is that more and more people are finishing their last life in matter.
The group of conscious people seeking insight is increasing and the rate at which a number of people are growing leads them to evolve beyond the Third Sphere. I explain that story in the evolution code chapter.
But already know, once you evolve beyond the Third Sphere, your soul no longer needs the matter to further unveil the Soul Path. Then you no longer incarnate, you do your further Soul growth in the Spirit World.
The rapid growth of many does provide an incidental factor. Learning to deal with the Mars or Venus properties requires contact with matter. There is none in the Spirit World. That is why it is important to master the trait at the very end of your last life on earth. If you start earlier, that's a nice bonus. The longer you wait to tackle it, the more persistent your Mars or Venus habits are etched on your Soul and the harder it becomes to do something about it.
It should be clear, I can only advise you without obligation to get started with your Mars or Venus, you will benefit from it.
Also know that addressing this trait for a Mars or Venus Retro is a Soul Command or Soul Choice. You experience this from birth.
For a normal Mars or Venus it is advisable to get started with the property. Know that this trait is playing tricks on you on a subconscious level;
What is that then, 'get started with it?' Well, this quality determines your interaction with others on an unconscious level. This association often goes against your Soul, but you do not realize this. So it distracts you from your authenticity. A good reason to tackle this property.
Getting started with your Mars or Venus is a process of becoming aware of your unconscious behavior patterns towards others. You can only change what you recognize.
You may also experience a form of withdrawal, shyness, introversion. Or maybe you feel that others don't understand you, don't want to follow your ideas, you don't get recognition and you don't find your place. They are both Venus and Mars traits.
The most important thing is that if you become aware of this, you can also change something in yourself. That will only make you better. Let this argument take precedence over anything.
If you get started with this property, you do so because it gives you an oa. personal benefit. You always learn to deal with the other more easily. Do you need even more motivation?
Then the next one. How do you form Mars or Venus? Well, remember from the introduction, there was once a big bang where the Big Picture, the unity, is split into particles, Souls. At the moment of the bang, this was an impressive experience for the souls on their own.
Even though the big bang was a choice of the Greater Whole and therefore every Soul, the event did not go without a hitch. One half was very angry to undergo this, the other left very sad that they had to continue alone. There lies the basis of your Mars or Venus trait.
Then you as a Soul start on your Soul Path. I have already discussed how you go through this evolution. There are 21 wisdom levels to undergo and in each life you take a few steps of that.
But you already start with a ballast. One half is angry, the other sad. Because you have not been able to feel and express this feeling sufficiently and have not gained any insights from it, this plays tricks on you from the start.
the marches are therefore presented with coincidences in which they can experience their anger, precisely in order to ward off that burden. The Venuses are given opportunities to resolve their grief. How to solve Karma, I will discuss later. By the way, by Karma I mean the ballast of unprocessed feelings that you carry with you, from this and previous life.
But first let me complete the Mars and Venus story. Because feeling and putting into words do not succeed sufficiently, your ballast grows throughout your first lives. Until at some point in your evolution the bomb explodes. You experience such a traumatic event that you sign for your next lives.
This experience occurs somewhere in your first sphere. The event is so intense that the evolution code you have at that moment will stay with you for all subsequent lives. This creates a new part of your DNA code. From then on, your Mars or Venus trait is represented by two numbers, a Mars or Venus Pitfall and Mars or Venus Liquidator.
Let me just give an example no. Suppose you are a Venus and at the time of your intense experience your evolution code is 1.6/2.5. Then you will carry these 1/6 (allowing emotions) and 2.5 (distinguishing main and ij matters) for all your future loans.
This is the one part of your DNA code that is constant for all your lives. All other parts change over time, but your Mars or Venus code remains unchanged. That also explains the great impact of the property.
In addition, you should know that at the time of your intense event, you also effectively experience a trauma and something like I never want to experience that again.
You learn to protect yourself against that sort of incident. However, you are doing this in a totally wrong way. You seek the path of least resistance and flee into the negative manifestations of your Mars or Venus code. You experience that as safe. However, with that you don't act according to your Soul and you build up even more Karma.
Difficult story that you have to turn at a certain moment. That's your best in the matter. There are all the elements you need to do that, namely the other. In the spirit world this is therefore much less evident. The finishing of this property is then extremely laborious and takes many times longer. A good reason to get started with this.
You may be wondering: why do we have to go through all this? Your Mars or Venus causes a lot of doom and gloom, you will find out later. Is that a punishment from God, or a Fall that arose when the gates of the Earthly Paradise were closed?
Well, let's leave the fables for the fables and limit ourselves to the essentials. Your Mars or Venus is only a way to grow in wisdom. It is a derivative of the primal desire of the greater whole, which I explained in the introduction. Your Soul wants to contribute to that, the God in yourself.
But how do you experience that characteristic? Before I explain that to you, I want to warn you. You will certainly have a reflex to want to assess for yourself whether you are one type or the other. But then your mind quickly rears its ugly head. You are always not who you would like to be in your ideal picture. So don't make the mistake of continuing on your own assumption.
I especially want to warn about the meaning of the words I use. A Mars gives a different content to a word than a Venus. That's a bit strange, but I'll give you some examples below that will clarify that for you.
I repeat again, acceptance of who you really are is the basis of spiritual life. The only way to get certainty about your DNA code is to request it. There is no other way.
Then back to the question: how do you experience your Mars or Venus trait? Well, marches feel abused, Venuses feel mistreated.
Marsen regularly face coincidences in which they experience being abused. That's actually to dissolve the anger, remember, from back in the big bang. But unfortunately, feeling that anger doesn't work very well;
As a result, the Mars skips the unpleasant feeling en turns the anger into jealousy and envy. This is a typical human process. A feeling that is not clear and unpleasant will always express itself in a different way. The unpleasant is locked up in your Being and looks for a way out in a different form.
For the Mars, that is jealousy and envy, which can itself evolve into gloating, depending on the amount of anger. These are characteristics that are socially unacceptable. So there is a good chance that you will also do this one.
Venuses get coincidences where they experience potential abuse. This abuse has a specific character. They experience this as an act of lovelessness, a form of psychological abuse. That makes the Venus very sad. But unfortunately, this feeling is also skipped. The Venus transforms his grief into detachment and fatalism. This is often incomprehensible behavior for the environment. As a Venus you soon get a reaction of: just act normal. For that you feel even less understood, you experience even more lovelessness and you go even deeper into your detachment and fatalism.
These are difficult processes to break through for both Mars and Venus. The impact can sometimes last for days, weeks, months or years. It therefore determines your life to a very important extent.
The reason for the abuse of power or abuse is always a stimulus outside of you. Becoming aware of this is part of learning to deal with the trait. That is why this code also belongs in the relationship chapter. It is the most important code that plays tricks on you when dealing with others.
So you experience the influence of the outside world and have cultivated unconscious reflexes to deal with this. That external stimulus could be a little thing, a word, the tone of voice, a door being slammed too loudly, a gesture of disposition, or simply the way someone approaches you.
The closer you are to someone, the greater the impact. People you have nothing to do with, they don't touch you either. But if the stimulus comes from your partner, or from your parents or children, or from your best friend, it comes in double and thick.
That external stimulus can be seen through. Once you realize that, you can arm yourself against it by adjusting your own behavior. Your code has instructions on how to deal with this. That is a very personal story and it requires the necessary personal guidance to learn to deal with it.
You can also learn a lot from others and a learning process in group setting is potentially desirable. After all, your reaction patterns are unconscious processes. You cannot adjust what is unconscious. You don't know about it.
Your awareness is stimulated to a large extent by recognizing a pattern of behavior in the other person. That burns a lmap about yourself. You become aware that you too have developed a similar pattern; That determination is the beginning of change.
But let me dig a little deeper into the properties of both types and start by dissecting Mars.
mars
A Mars is directed to the outside world. That makes him very happy, even carefree about himself. If something happens to him, it's just the other person's fault. Very rarely does he have a reflection that he himself is the cause of something. He forgets, after first throwing it out, to look at himself. Because you are always the cause and effect of what happens to you.
In addition, the Mars lives from a tunnel vision. He wants things to go the way he wants. He considers everything beyond that to be non-existent. That is why he ignores, disguises, distorts and manipulates parts of reality. This looks like bad will, but it isn't. The Mars simply does not see that there is a reality outside its tunnel. That is a behavior that can be pierced;
Because the Mars wants things to go his way, he has a tendency to do anything to get his way. A double agenda is the result of this and exercising power over his environment is a very normal thing for him.
He apparently does not take the environment into account. That's right too. His behavior therefore often comes across as selfish. But that's not how Mars experiences it. He only goes for his conviction. He believes he is right and wants to be proven right. He also doesn't understand that others don't see that, that only makes communication more difficult.
Because the Mars itself is not averse to abuse of power, it is also very sensitive to it. To protect itself and to achieve its own goal, the Mars has developed typical behaviors. The urge to get his way is very strong. He likes to be the boss.
A first pattern emerges when the Mars fears that he will not be able to prove himself right, then he rebels. Resistance is the result of not accepting what is. Reality does not fit its own picture. By resisting, the Mars still hopes to get his way jgen.
If this strategy doesn't work, he gives up and acts like a victim. This can manifest itself in silence, being non-verbal, showing displeasure, withdrawing. A second typical Mars pattern emerges when he states: I can make it here, I'm going to battle! He wants to pay in kind for the abuse he experiences. De Mars then thinks in terms of hierarchy. That gives him certainty about his place. If he doesn't know his place, he becomes difficult to handle.
This is an important finding. The Mars sees everything in order. He is rather insecure by nature and by applying a ranking he overcomes his insecurity. As the main life lesson, the Mars has to learn that there is equality and that hierarchy is only a means to function well in a certain situation in matter.
This equality goes completely against his hierarchical thinking. He therefore has a lot of lessons to learn in this regard. He therefore has a lot of lessons to learn about this. For this he needs experiences that he experiences consciously, so that he can derive the necessary insights from them. In this way he learns that equality is the right basis and he experiences that there are changing roles in practice. One time one has the lead, the other time the other. In this way he lets go of his desire to always be right.
In addition, the Mars develops two talents, caring and curiosity. The latter is the result of his focus on the outside world.
You could say that the Mars cannot do without the outside world, after all, then its reference is lost. After all, everything is compared, because that leads to hierarchy, which gives him certainty.
But again, the comparison often has disastrous consequences. This may in turn generate jealousy and disgust, as he may find that the other person has something he does not have. If the Mars would then dwell more deeply on itself, it would find out that it does not want what the other has.
But unfortunately, all too often he skips that step and is sick again in the same bed. He has to learn that comparison will distract him from what he really wants.
If you put all the Martian traits together, this seems like a very unkind person. Especially if you are Mars you can have a hard time with this. But know, there is no good and no bad. After all, everyone is equal.
Enough about Mars, let me take a closer look at Venus.
Venus
Venus is focused on itself and looks for the cause of everything that happens to it only in itself. He often does not see that an extreme stimulus is the cause of what happens to him.
In itself it is a correct conclusion to always stand in front of the mirror yourself. But the Venus attracts too much, even parts that do not belong to him. He has to learn to distinguish what belongs to him and what does not.
Unlike Mars, Venus has very open vision instead of tunnel vision. He tries to take everything and everyone into account. You can say that his visor is open much too far, the other extreme of the tunnel vision. He has to learn to focus on only what is important to him.
If he doesn't, it will have dire consequences. Soon he feels like a poor sheep, the victim of his goodness. He doesn't understand at all why the outside world doesn't see how hard he tries to take everything and everyone into account. He doesn't want to be a victim of his own actions.
Because that's how a Venus acts. He continuously observes everything and everyone. He tries to take into account all those stimuli in his behaviour. Because the Venus especially wants to be seen. The more he assesses the environment, the greater the chance that he will be accepted.
But that's where the shoe pinches. After all, it is impossible to take everything and everyone into account. How does the Venus know if its estimates are correct? He makes it hopelessly complicated and is then the victim of it.
When Venus feels like a poor sheep, a victim of its goodness, it tends to retreat into a virtual reality. He does this to protect himself against the influence of the outside world; That also makes sense. After all, in the outside world he only finds incomprehension. He therefore often feels unhappy, becomes numb, powerless, then sad and lonely.
His environment does not understand this at all. Because outwardly there is often no reason for this behavior. Because of the misunderstanding, the Venus only retreats further. He has a tendency to constrict. He sees no other solution to deal with the world.
Actually, the Venus asks for recognition, recognize me, please take me into account, love me! If that does not happen, he will become very insecure, which will make him strongly doubt himself. His self-esteem is therefore severely damaged. His demands for recognition are rarely answered by the other.
The fact that Venus wants the environment to take him into account is a logical consequence of his own attitude. He expects others to act as he acts; He believes that because he takes everyone into account, the other should also take him into account. But in essence, the call for recognition is a form of power; because he expects something from his environment and that is wrong.
This erroneous expectation is the result of a deeply rooted sense of equality. He experiences it as unfair that others do not take him into account. However, he does not see that he himself is making a mistake by taking too much account of everything and everyone.
The typical pattern of the Venus is constriction or retraction. He is going to efface himself, put himself in the background, fold for the other. That's better than possibly getting the lid on the nose, he thinks. However, because of this he loses himself. He pays the price for his behavior.
That folding of the Venus has a limit. At a certain moment the bucket is full and another drop overflows it. Then the bomb bursts. The Venus feels stepped on his Soul and will finally buy up for herself. Now it is enough than his attitude. That is a bit of a shock for his environment. A futility may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. The other therefore sees a disproportionate behavior. Little does he know that dozens of drops of concessions preceded the event.
This in turn leads to misunderstanding, miscommunication, frustrations and dissatisfaction. Only talking is the solution here. Breakups occur without talking.
Generally speaking, the Venus bears the consequences of its experiences of lovelessness. That is why he is often shy of contact. He naturally distrusts the other person and is afraid of being beaten again.
That's why he's hesitant to reveal himself, to start a conversation. He is already constricting himself from entering. He comes across as very reserved.
Ultimately, the Venus strives for equality but has to learn to love herself first. Every time he gets the lid on his nose, he's thrown back on himself. In this way he learns little by little to accept that he is who he is and he learns to adjust his behavior.
As soon as he is aware of the fact that taking too much into account the other person is actually very unloving towards himself, he can make some changes.
In this way, the Venus learns to deal with its environment with care and wisdom and knows how to use its strong empathy to its advantage.
So, that's enough about the Venus. It may be very confrontational to go through these properties and you wonder which type you belong to. Often the first reaction is that people recognize themselves in both, but know, you are Mars or Venus.
I have indicated before that the meaning that Marses and Venuses give to the same word can differ greatly. Therefore, it seems that you are one type or another, but you can never be sure. So some examples.
Rejection is for a Martian; I don't get my way. For a Venus: I don't comply. Uncertainty is for a Mars: I do not see through the Hierarchy and do not know my place. For a Venus: there is inequality and I am not taken into account. Taking into account means for Mars how to get the other person to carry out my idea and for Venus means that he is respected by taking his opinion into account.
This Babylonian confusion of tongues often makes communication between Mars and Venus obscure. They use the same words with a different meaning. This can cause a lot of ambiguity.
But above all, this confusion makes it very difficult to determine for yourself which type you are. You recognize words that are linked to a type as a personal characteristic, but you therefore do not feel the meaning correctly. So again, be careful with jumping to conclusions.
How do you learn to deal with that with the Mars and Venus properties? Which, as said, some guidance comes in handy to convert your unconsciousness into consciousness. But if you were to query your code and know what type you are, then everything starts with accepting who you are.
If you don't accept that, then the consciousness will not come either and you will stick your head in the sand. That is possible and that is allowed. After all, there is free will. You and no one else can make the decision to get started with yourself. But know, sooner or later you will take the step to deal with this.
After acceptance, it is important to gain insight into your behavioral patterns linked to your code. Again, external guidance is more than desirable here.
Mars’ Anger, Jealousy and Envy & Venus’ Sadness, Contriction & Fatalism
The next step in dealing with Mars or Venus is to recognize and acknowledge the feelings associated with each type. After all, feeling and expressing it makes you free. You have to learn how to deal with jealousy, envy and anger like Mars and detachment, fatalism and sadness like Venus.
If you have mastered this, you can learn to avoid falling into your Pitfall, by seeing through the external stimulus and learning to put your own code well. If you are in your Pitfall, the correct application of your code will help you get out of it.
There are some tricks for this, linked to the code, but it would lead me too far to go into detail here. Even though there is a general rule for this, it must be worked out personally with guidance.
Above all, remember that your Mars and Venus has a very big impact on you. That you can learn to deal with it differently. When you do that, your world fundamentally changes. Because there are two options. You subconsciously undergo external stimuli that leave you off the map for a few days or weeks and are unable to act according to your individuality. Or you become aware of these processes and learn to deal with them so that you remain yourself.
There is no better example of how you can take control of your destiny and shape your own life. You control how the dominoes fall. Think of the first stone as an external stimulus. You can't control that, but you can control how the next stone falls. The key is in your consciousness.
You develop your consciousness in 2 phases. The first step is learning to deal with yourself. Once you realize that, you can focus on the other person. Knowing how it's in mekaat helps you improve your life quite a bit. It helps you to be yourself more and more. Because in the end, a relationship revolves around 2 parties, where one stimulus unleashes another; Think of it as snowball effects that quickly turn into avalanches.
In addition, it is important to know that the interaction between 2 Marses is completely different than between 2 Venuses. There are other bumps between a Mars and a Venus. Here too everything starts with accepting the other as he is.
Marches among themselves have to turn into a power struggle like Pitfall. Venuses among themselves threaten to get stuck in their pitifulness. Between a Mars and a Venus, all elements are present for fierce confrontations, although those are possibly the most instructive.
So, quite a sandwich that Mars & Venus stuff! Can you bring something? I want to give you the following advice.
Showing understanding for yourself and the other, that's the key. Showing understanding is quite a challenge. The hardest form of this is understanding someone who is not understanding you!
Add the following elements to the concept of showing: communication, acceptance, tolerance and respect. I could write a chapter on each word in itself. But for now you have to make do with this. Searching for insight, working on yourself, leaving the other as he is, that remains the motto.
You can only be who you are and develop your consciousness from there. Know that you change your environment as you develop yourself. After all, your environment indirectly feels the change in you, which means that they also change.
Enough about Mars and Venus, it's a whole story that you may need to let sink in for a while. But it's not done yet, there are other relationship codes.